![]() I have five questions for whatever twisted person wrote this into the script: Who hurt you? What were you thinking? When did they stop being friends? Why do you hate me? And HOW DARE YOU! Leslie and Ron were supposed to be be indestructible. “Barbecues should be about one thing: good shared meat.I never thought I'd see this day come, but here we are: Pawnee's own Leslie Knope and Ron Swanson ARE NOT friends anymore! When Parks and Recreation Season 7 began, I was expecting big things, but not big enough that I would want to cry myself to sleep.“An ideal night out, to me, is stepping onto my porch area and grilling up a thick slab of something’s flesh and then popping in a highlight reel from the WNBA.”.“You’ve accidentally given me the food that my food eats.”.“If there were more food and fewer people, this would be a perfect party.”.I am going to consume all of this at the same time because I am a free American.” It’s a 16-ounce T-bone and a 24-ounce porterhouse. ![]() Wait … I worry what you heard was, ‘Give me a lot of bacon and eggs.’ What I said was, give me all the bacon and eggs you have. “Just give me all the bacon and eggs you have.“Put some alcohol in your mouth to block with words from coming out.”.“Clear alcohols are for rich women on diets.”.“Dear frozen yogurt, you are the celery of desserts.I like pretty, dark-haired women and breakfast food.” “Strippers do nothing for me… but I will take a free breakfast buffet anytime, anyplace.”.Which is water that’s lying about being milk.” “There’s only one thing I hate more than lying: skim milk.“When I eat, it is the food that is scared.”."Why is everyone else so bad at eating?".“There has never been a sadness that can’t be cured by breakfast food.”.“Under my tutelage, you will grow from boys to men.I’d work all night if it meant nothing got done.” But I will do something if it helps someone else do nothing. “Normally, if given the choice between doing something and nothing, I’d choose to do nothing.“Keep your tears in your eyes-where they belong.”.Don’t teach a man to fish…and feed yourself. “Give a man a fish and feed him for a day.Deal with your problems yourselves, like adults.” “If any of you need anything at all, too bad.“Don’t start chasing applause and acclaim.“I’d wish you the best of luck, but I believe luck is a concept created by the weak to explain their failures.”. ![]() Try not to hurt anyone who doesn’t deserve it.” “One rage every three months is permitted.“Sting like a bee, but do not float like a butterfly.“There are three acceptable haircuts: high and tight, crew cut, buzz cut.”.“There are only three ways to motivate people: money, fear, and hunger.”.NBC // Getty Images Ron Swanson's Life Advice “I would rather bleed out than sit here and talk about my feelings for 10 minutes.”.“Any dog under fifty pounds is a cat and cats are useless.”.“Birthdays were invented by Hallmark to sell cards.”.“Cowardice and weak-willed men… and hazelnuts.”.Anything more and this becomes figure skating.” But as long as I sit still and don’t move my head or torso, I’m good. ![]() But uh, this morning, I made the mistake of sneezing. I’ve had it for a while, and I’ve been ignoring it successfully. That folder, in my hands, is far deadlier than this bow of yours."
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